


Don't Ever Change

by Le_Noir (Psycho_Chiquita)



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: An excuse to cram in as many characters as possible, Author was sleep deprived and cackling like a loon the entire time, Bad Puns, Flirting, Happy Pride y'all, Multi, Pick-Up Lines, Thompkean, and Foxma, and if you squint you'll see hints of Zsaszvarez, but lots of fluff to counteract it, i think it's a housewarming party?, like tooth-rotting fluff, really bad flirting inside, seriously, woops everyone's gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 09:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19148506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psycho_Chiquita/pseuds/Le_Noir
Summary: Jim Gordon is bad at flirting.Like, really bad.Like, reallyhorrendouslybad.Thank god he already has a boyfriend.





	Don't Ever Change

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greenfairy13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenfairy13/gifts), [ladyspock7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyspock7/gifts).



> Heyo, it's four in the morning and I have no idea what I'm doing.  
> No beta, no patience, monkey brain says post now.
> 
> This is dedicated to Greenfairy13, the best cheerleader out there (I'm still keeping these pom-poms, btw), Ladyspock7 who loves a good ~~bad~~ pun, and my coworker who got so angry when I read some of the pick-up lines out loud they promptly went into the restroom to throw up out of anger.
> 
> You _think_ I'm joking.

* * *

The night is settling down to a standstill as Oswald burrows himself deeper into the plush patio chair, a small sigh escaping his lips when he stretches out his legs and the strain on his knee lessens. Walking around the apartment to keep up appearances with all of his guests was trying him, so the moment he found an opening to excuse himself, he escaped to the enclosed patio where a few others milled around in idle conversation.

He stares through the double french doors towards his forever obsession, mister “average-height, amber colored, and handsome” currently stuck between the kitchen counter and Zsasz. Why’d Jim have to try to stay longer than two minutes and pretend he was interested in every conversation is beyond Oswald’s understanding; he just hopes their current one doesn’t involve Victor’s new source of employment. Jim can only pretend he’s not bothered by others’ dubious moral standards for so long.

“- why the draw back on the ordinance failed miserably, don’t you think?”

Oswald blinks with a shake of his head and a wordless pardon, turning towards the voice sitting across from him he’d unintentionally tuned out to place all of his focus on Jim instead.

Lee smiles at him expectantly, her hands around her glass of wine between her swaying knees, waiting for his response. Standing a distance behind her, Edward takes a quick glance over his drink before looking back down to his phone in hand.

“...I’m, sorry?”

Her lips turn up into a soft grin as she raises her glass for a drink.

“Thought so.”

“Told you,” Edward snorts, not looking up.

“About what?” He aims for nonchalance but knows he doesn’t fool anyone when he goes to fold his legs, not with the way he barely manages to mask a wince.

She lowers her glass back down to her lap, gives a little shrug. “Can’t keep your eyes off of him.”

He gives a light, dismissive scoff, rolling his eyes away from her back towards the kitchen almost unconsciously. Blue eyes turn to him, and he looks away suddenly with the pretense of looking into the kitchen in general. Four years and he still gets flustered when it involves Jim.

“How’s the Master’s Thesis going?” she asks casually while leaning back into her chair. Thankful for the change in conversation, he unfolds his legs, another grateful exhale escaping his mouth.

“Could’ve been easier, but at least it’s not a disaster. Trying to get my references together was what threw me off because most of my research was done by verbal data and with the way Roberts runs the lab I’m one diacritic away from being withheld for plagiarism.”

“We should all do the sensible thing and try to see things from Roberts’ point of view,” Barbara responds from the double doors on her way back out into the patio, a refilled martini in hand. “But I’m afraid none of us can get our heads that far up our own asses.”

Lee chides her while both Edward and Oswald openly laugh, a sly smile on Barbara’s face as she walks over to Lee and squeezes in next to her on the wooden bench.

“You know you should hold off on your comments until _after_  you’re done with your own paper, right?” Lee warns her.

Barbara sarcastically nods between sips, her head rocking back and forth before her eyes widen out with a hum of recollection on something she meant to ask.

“So,” she smacks her lips, the hand holding her glass waving a finger towards Oswald’s direction.

“I couldn’t help pick up this, it’s like white musk? Is it Tom Ford?”

Oswald’s eyebrows twitch upwards in surprise. “Actually, Narciso.”

“That, yes, I knew I recognized it. Do you use the-” she vaguely gestures towards her face with a wiping motion.

“The cream?” Oswald asks, slightly confused. “No, not really. I stick with an overnight baby perennis.”

From his peripheral he can make out Jim walking towards the patio doors; Lucius, Harvey, and Alvarez follow him closely behind and he tries not to let his excitement show.

“Really? I would’ve taken you more of a 24 karat type.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’d use the body cream if I weren’t already depending on this aloe and mint one Jim got me for my knee.”

Alvarez and Lucius take up the remaining patio chairs, leaving Bullock to spin in a circle in search for something to sit on.

Jim walks between them, standing over Oswald momentarily to hand him a glass of red wine which he takes with a shy smile of appreciation. He moves himself over slightly to make room, Jim placing a kiss on the side of his head in thanks and draping an arm over the back of the love-seat.

“I thought it was seaweed and menthol,” Barbara contends, and Oswald has to look away from Bullock trying to make himself comfortable on a milk crate to register her words.

“I wouldn’t, wait, what?”

“Or I can ask Jim, he would know, right?” she asks with a suspiciously sly smile.

Jim blinks in confusion and Oswald slits his eyes, not sure where Barbara is leading with the conversation.

She draws her hand out of her purse and raises a card in the air. Edward, being one who can’t resist getting into others personal knowings, snatches it from her hand with a smirk and lifts it to read out loud.

Oswald’s face blanches, because he recognizes the little rectangle immediately and knows what can happen if someone works Jim up.

“You deserve some R&R after the week you’ve had. God knows how much your knee must be killing you, you’re always running through my mind,” Edward finishes off, his smile slowly fading into a grimace as he ends with holding the card out at arms length. “Ew.”

Lee snatches the card from his hand and leans forward to hand it back to Oswald. He takes it with a mouthed “Thank you” and tucks it into his inner coat pocket.

“What’s wrong with it? Oswald was having a stressful week and I made him a spa bag.”

“Did you have to leave the note?” Harvey asks before raising both hands up to cut off anything Jim had to respond with.

“Please don’t get him started,” Oswald begs with a tired sigh. “He doesn’t have an off button when it comes to his horrendous pickup lines.”

“I’m usually feeling a little off but you always turn me on,” Jim leans in to tell him softly.

A-nd it’s too late, he’s worked up.

“You’re also really bad at whispering,” Zsasz calls out the moment he walks through the patio door with a plate in hand, the other waving a sausage roll in the air. Jim’s only response is to take a drink out of Oswald’s glass with a smile.

“Well I think it’s sweet, knowing he’s stressed and making him a thoughtful gift bag with a handwritten card,” Lee tries to compliment warmly.

Oswald lets out a huff. “Yes, except he leaves me notes like that on the regular. What was the whole, eye doctor-”

Jim claps his knee. “Oh, I was going in for a check up, and I left him a note letting him know I was getting my eyes looked over because I couldn’t keep them off him.”

“Okay, Nygma is right, ew,” Harvey adds with a bit of repulsion, adjusting himself on the milk crate and swigging from his bottle as if it’ll help get the bad taste out of his mouth. Oswald rolls his eyes.

“Oh please, Edward’s form of flirting involves a three day chess game and riddles that require an extensive knowledge on forensic pathology.”

From his new spot behind Lucius, Edward sneers at Oswald in an attempt to mask his obvious discomfort at being put on the spot. Lucius suddenly becomes interested in the material his patio chair is made out of.

“Not all of us show affection by curling up together and listing things we like about one another,” Ed grunts.

Oswald works his jaw with an annoyed flutter of his eyes. “I’d rather choke.”

“Such a charmer,” Barbara cuts with a sarcastic smile towards Jim. “I can see how he stole your heart.”

“If anything Jim is the one walking around with an extra heart,” Oswald mutters into his glass without looking up. Thank god it’s a late bottle vintage, he can easily blame it on the high ABV.

Jim reaches up and tilts his head to look him over, the small amount of wine he’s had already staining his lips violet. Oswald can only imagine what his own lips look like but the thought is quickly pushed aside when Jim leans over to place a chaste kiss on his lips, and he can feel his cheeks flushing already.

Hell, he can blame that on the ABV too.

“You two are horrendous together,” Edward grumbles.

Jim looks over to him with a lazy smile. “Well, seeing as he’s pretty and I’m cute, I’d say it’s more like we’re pretty cute.”

Nygma lets out a sound of disgust behind his grimace as Lucius doubles over underneath him.

“Look what you’ve done,” Oswald glares towards Barbara, trying to ignore Lucius and Alvarez having a giggling fit.

“Hey, I wouldn’t have ended up in your bathroom in the first place if mister clean over there wasn’t taking so long in the guest one.”

“I got distracted,” Zsasz defends himself as he casually plops down onto Alvarez’s lap, ignoring his wide eyed look of shock and turns towards Oswald and Jim instead.

“You know you guys have excellent lighting in there.”

“Pretty boy,” Alvarez scoffs.

“Only for you, peaches.”

“Can you please get off my lap now?”

Victor pops a roll in his mouth and wiggles in place, has a pensive look on his face as if musing something over while he chews. “Nah, I think I’m good.” He turns back to Jim to ask, “Hey, so say you two met in like, a bar or something. What would you have said then?”

“I would’ve told him he owed me a drink, because I dropped mine when I saw him.”

Oswald swirls the wine in his glass with an unamused pout. “You know, just because we didn’t start dating in a conventional way doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried to use lines like that before. We could be in the grocery store and he’ll point at a cupcake and say something along the lines of ‘I bet it’s not as sweet as you’. And don’t get me _started_  on what Jim would’ve said to get my number-”

“I mean, my usual go to is ‘I’ve seem to’ve lost my number. Can I have yours?’ It, I don’t think it’s _that_  bad-”

“-You know that’s the positive of having been roommates, kinda forces you to share numbers without the awkward pickup,” Oswald continues over Jim, placing a hand over his mouth to stop the flow of things Jim Gordon does not say well.

Harvey shakes his head with a chuckle. “Jim, Ji-im, that’s not how you go about it man, you gotta coax it out of them, charm them before giving them a chance to shoot you down immediately.”

“So then how would _you_  go about it?” Lee asks with a raised eyebrow and the ghost of a knowing smile. Harvey grins.

“I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, you give me yours and I’ll show you what I can do with them.”

“Oh. Oh man,” Alvarez chuckles, shaking his head as he hides his grin behind his beer. Zsasz looks down towards his plate with a twitch of his brow and pushes the finger food around.

“What?” Harvey asks with his arms spread out. “What?!”

Jim winces with a poorly masked grimace. “Harv, that was bad.”

“How’s that bad? That’s not bad!”

“Harvey, that’s coming from Jim, it’s _bad_ ,” Oswald lets him know as he tilts his head in apology. Jim’s in the middle of brushing off debris from his shirt when he stops suddenly, stretching his lips in a wolfish grin and Oswald’s face drops as he exhales deeply.  
  
”Jim-”

“What?”  
  
”Jim, please,”

“I was just going to agree it’s really bad, coming from me,” he supplies with a shrug. His grin grows bigger.  
  
Oswald shoves his face into his hands. “Don’t.”

“And I’m the one with the shirt made out of boyfriend material.”  
  
A long, relentless groan comes from Oswald’s hands, his voice cracking throughout the stretch as he rocks himself forward to lean his elbows on his knees, his hands dragging down his face to massage the pain his boyfriend has become out of his temples.

Jim rests his hand on Oswald’s back and lovingly rubs circles as he smiles towards the group staring back at him in different phases of disbelief. Nygma simply walks back inside the apartment.

“Wa-o-o-ow-”

“Dude-”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t stabbed you yet,” Lucius adds lastly with a raise of his eyebrow. Jim shrugs.

“He did threaten me after the third time I used that one.”

Oswald looks over his shoulder as he continues to work his fingers into his temple. “And yet you test me still.”

Jim smiles warmly. “Baby you might have the keys to my heart but you know I drive you crazy,” he replies as he leans down to kiss Oswald’s hair. He leans into the touch, sitting upright once more and straightening himself out on the couch for a stretch.

“Jesus Christ,” Harvey mutters into his drink as he raises it. Across from him Barbara sniffs into her own glass. “I have no idea how you put up with it,” she gibes, and Lee bumps against her shoulder with a chuckle.

“It’s not bad, actually,” Oswald responds softly, his hand brushing aside a few stray strands of Jim’s hair off of his forehead as he closes his eyes with a hum of approval. “There’s nothing I would change about him.”

Jim’s eyes open at his confession, searching for something in Oswald. His eyebrow burrows for a moment as his mouth tightens in a line.

“But there, is, something I’d change, about you,” Jim says then, and Oswald flinches backwards the slightest bit, his eyebrows giving the most barely notable twitch as his eyes search Jim’s. He’s not sure he wants Jim to finish what he has to say.

He leans in closer to Oswald, and if he wasn’t such a fool he would’ve remained leaning away from Jim, but he comes in closer to close the gap between them, his gaze from Jim never wandering.

“Your last name,” he feels Jim breathe into his ear, taking his breath and all logical thought with it. He can feel the heat radiating off his cheeks, and he’s pretty sure he’s all shades of in-love with his heart ready to spill over from joy with the way Barbara and Lee are eyeing him with skepticism.

Lee rolls her eyes lightheartedly, a smile ghosting her lips.

“What’d he say this time?”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so maybe I wrote this mess as an excuse to see my rare pairs together, and for that I do not apologize.
> 
> It was national donut day Friday, and I went in at midnight the night before.  
> And left at noon. So I'm still not all,  
> t h e r e.
> 
>  **Post Script** (6/15) soooooooo, like, this is why you wait -_-  
> I just recalled a line an old co-worker friend of mine told me he used to hit on women,   
> _Are you Irish? Because my penis is Dublin_
> 
> Yeah, it's bad, and the fact that it was told my a red head named Steve who wasn't even freaking Irish made it better.  
> I can Imagine Bullock using that one too.  
> So just pretend I actually have my head screwed on right and that's what's written up there ^^^ ;)
> 
>  
> 
> ._.


End file.
